Learning to Follow

A shameless post of love and gratitude for my son Lucas.

Lucas leading the way at 18 months old.

Parenthood is far less about teaching than it is about learning most of the time. Which truly is such a blessing. Granted, I think that statement applies to those parents that are choosing to “rewrite their story.” Which essentially means, paying attention and working your ass off at breaking through your ancestral and personal mental/physical/spiritual “boundaries” to avoid imposing them on your child, as best as you can. Which I do think all parents are concerned with. Its the nature of parenthood.

Last winter I wrote about my desire to organize and declutter my life in hopes of never leaving that sort of burden on my child like I unfortunately inherited by the time I was 26 and again at 33. (That post here: Self-organization) I had completely forgotten about that post, but as we entered into the Winter Solstice and I again contemplated what I would like to manifest for the upcoming year, I revisted it and was amazed by how much more I have cleared in past last year than I even knew I had to clear.

My relationship with Lucas’ father ending, plus moving out of my Union St house, and learning how to say no to “obligations” has allowed me to clear and cleanse so much. Trust me, I didn’t want to face all of these opportunities in disguise over the last year. It has easily been one of the hardest years of my life, if not *the* hardest. Lucas has been the buffer that has brought me so much Love and Joy that it made it easy to see what I was doing it all for anyway. It makes me feel like I wouldn’t have been able to do any of it without him. Which leads me back to “Following.”

Thank you Lucasuarus Aurora Borealis for coming into my world!!

omg. #Love!!

Even now, when I want life to hand me the easy path (eh-hem… Which btw Universe a lil’ easy path wouldn’t be so bad now and then if you know what I mean.) it doesn’t take me long to remember why I am being asked to do it.

If children are a burden, the burden they give us is exposing the light of our own illusions and ego. According to some, they are seen as Spirit coming through to test us and our ability to love and care for another outside of our needs and desires. I am so very thankful for the anchor that he has given to my physical existence. I can not bullshit myself any longer.

Its not like I didn’t already know these things as well. But he holds me accountable, or rather, my love for him holds myself accountable. I would never want to limit his potential, his confidence, his exposure to life and adventure because I didn’t do all that I could to push those boundaries in myself.

As this year comes to a close, I have been enjoying burning what seems to be the final stages of clearing my past from my Mother’s family in my woodstove. Its pretty awesome and liberating experience; heating your house with flames of burdens being carried away in smoke and ashes. Every time I burn through it, my living room and heart-space literally feel lighter and larger.

I have taken the time to set some intentions for the upcoming year and primarily it is to not lose site of my son being my guiding Light. Its an interesting dance now that I have a “single” life outside of having Lucas around 100% of the time. Yes, I do want a fantasmical romance and I’m positive I will have one someday. I tend to be a dreamy-eyed romantic and get lost in it, which I’m sure I’ll do to some degree but I really want to maintain harmony in my life. I want to dream and live big and keep my precious lil’ feet on the ground with my focus on the Lucas-prize to ensure my actions continue to follow our best intentions.

May we all live our heart’s biggest dreams!

Jai!

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Fish – Leza Lowitz

Matsyasana (Click link for info on the Fish pose in yoga.)

I’ve been wanting to read this poem while teaching, but it hasn’t lined up quite yet. But given recent inspiration by way of my own humility, I recalled its message today. I think it has a nice Christmas feel to it as well. So instead of waiting to “teach” from it, I will share it now.

Boundless gifts of Love, Joy, and Peace to everyone on Earth during these heavenly & magical days.

Jai!

~*~

Open the heart

and the heart opens you~

salt of the creator

eye of the beholder

stretch your arms overhead

receive

the rainfall of pure clarity

and let it

come down.

Surrender to the boundless

earth, sea, and sky

place them like a garland

around the altar of life,

seal

a prayer for peace

at its base,

swim

in its mysteries,

unafraid of sinking.

Open the heart

and the heart opens you.

~*~

Yoga Poems. Lines to Unfold By.
Leza Lowitz

This Man [video. please watch.]

puts in words the experience of womanhood better than any other woman I’ve heard explain it to me. Thats not to say that women haven’t been saying it, but I hearing a man say it to me, right now, is healing in profound ways.

There is a lot I’d like to say and will eventually say about the nature of the concepts of womanhood and womb energy that we hold all in our bodies. Men and women alike. This video sums it up for me in ways that break my heart in beauty. Roughly 9 minutes in a second lecture is taped. For me, it was the most important. Please listen to all of it though!

In seeking these words and waiting for them, I haven’t had the “key” to be able to do it just yet. But this man has helped me find them. Its so wonderful! Hearing him speak them is a testament to his message that he is brave enough to really stand behind them.

Men, this is so important for us to witness in you and trust me, we do see it. Thank you!

I have an epic amount of love from these words and the experiences that have brought them to me. They’re all about to come together and pour out of me. I am so excited to share and to commit to something so fully and give the level of focus and open-space-creativity the words need.

In closing, these are very auspicious times and I implore you to watch this. Its. That. Important.

Boundlessness expressions of joy to all of you.~ ~ *
Jai!

Firsts

"Ganesha" by Boise resident yogini Rachel Teannalach. Prints on sale at Sage Yoga & Wellness on 8th St. http://www.teannalach.com Image used with permission.

Just for “firsts” sake, I wanted to post this entry to record the date of Lucas’ first public yoga class! We took a family yoga class at the Sage studio today. He did great! He did a headstand in his very first class as an almost two year old!! Yay Bubba!! Way to teach us about just diving in to life head-first!

He also had a fun time watching and meeting all of the other kids, occasionally clinging to and climbing up my leg as I did the yoga poses, and stacking and knocking down the yoga blocks. Last summer at the Beloved Festival’s kid’s camp he was known as “Lucas the destroyer.” He is my beloved lil’ Shiva that is for sure!

I’d have to say the most beautiful display of Lucas’ heart at the studio today was when he went up to the gorgeous print of Ganesha (pictured above) and HUGGED it!! There was no prompting nor discussion from anyone that would’ve called his attention it. He was drawn to it on his own, walked right over to it, and actually said “Night-night” as he gave it a hug. It melted my heart!

I have this image on my phone and whenever he sees it he says “Daddy.” I’m not quite sure why, but I think it is beautiful especially as Ganesh is a very masculine deity whom can be called upon for protection and to remove fear, along with any real or perceived obstacle that gets in our way from obtaining our dreams.

So, in honor of all of the firsts that await all of us regardless of what stage of life we are in, lets call in the spirit-consciousness of Ganesha to help remove obstacles and protect our pure intentions. Om gan ganapataye namo namah!

Jai Ganesha!

“the breath inside the breath.”

“God is the breath inside of the breath.” This symbolizes the importance of having sthira and sukha in our breath and lives. Strength and firmness alongside grace and ease. When the breath is steady and easy, we are probably doing pretty well at aligning ourselves with spirt and finding union (yoga.)

Photo used under CC. http://www.flickr.com/photos/explorethebruce/5373529610/

During this special time of year as we enter into winter’s darkness and light continues to slip away until the solstice, we can easily stoke our fires with community, and even better by community in action together. Of course, another name for that would be yoga! Or life in union & action. [disclaimer: of course a yogi would note that action can also be inaction.] ; )

I was re-inspried by the word commUnity lately. By the acts of my friends, family and our collective works to occupying the world from the place of our hearts. COMMerce + UNITY = COMMUNITY! Together alone is the way to becoming 100% occupied. In unity we create so much more, by showing up and giving something we have. I am amazed by the generosity of friends this holiday season as they have been donating much needed items to me and Bubs to keep us warm and happy this winter. Thank you friends that have been doing that for me. I love you all infinitelyyyyyyy!

I’ve received many blessings in the past week that I wouldn’t have imagined months ago and my heart has been breaking open with gratitude! In the darkness that I am finding myself in this season, a sweet pure energy flows up and through from an abundant source and it inspires me to share that flame with you.

For starters I’d like to join in breath and then slowly explore space with our bodies to d a n c e in y/our breath and bones with me and our good friends, sthira & sukha in yoga asana practice… or on the dance floor. I plan on visiting them both as much as possible this winter.

I have been enjoying some new yogic inspiration that is begging me to play a little in my practice. I’ve been plotting and playing in asana for my yoga classes. Which just so happens to bring about a lot of dancing around with Bubs in our living room too. : ) They’re super good times!

Come join if you can and if not, I will see your shine there instead. Namaste~*!

Yoga: Next Monday only at 10 am at Sage Yoga & Wellness & every Wednesday at 9:30 at Body Renew on Vista!

Jai!

Sunday Faith

Photo used under CC. http://www.flickr.com/photos/smemon/5783395594/in/photostream/

My post yesterday is making me laugh and feel a bit sheepish today. Its so funny how one day some things in our life can seem so large and the next, its no big deal.

Granted, yesterday was a parenting day from hell for me so I was prone to forgetting the magic of it all. Nothing, I repeat n o t h i n g went smoothly. An afternoon was wasted away all for the sake of an hour nap. I learned a big lesson. Which was, never let my son’s request for “night-night” an hour and a half earlier than his usual nap-time sway my schedule of events or just the thing I was hoping to prevent, a public meltdown, will be sure to happen. That was just one thing that taught me some parenting lessons.

Anyway, I am thankful for my post yesterday as it must’ve helped me clear some energies and open my cup back up to the present moment. I woke up feeling fully vital and grateful from the get-go today. Knowing that I have a Mommy-break (if there is such a thing) for the next three days definitely gave me some mental relief and an ability to find my center.

I just felt a deep sense of love and gratitude for myself straight away this morning. I am thankful for so much in my life. I am so blessed. I have a few amazing friends that I can count on and I love how when I see them or hear from them it feels like the perfect romance. There’s no need for me to *want* for anything. I already *have* everything. Ok, this is not entirely true. But I have so much already that brings me so much contentment and joy. Thank you Universe!

Its especially nice when seeing them coincides with decadent self-care like it did today while I got a pedicure from my dear friend of almost 20 years Brandi G. Lam aka Idaho’s Green Manicurist. Go see her if you haven’t yet!! She’s fabulous! www.brandiglam.com My feet are on display on her website, it makes me feel proud. : )

On my way home from seeing her one of my favorite songs, seriously one of the best songs ever made, came on in my car. It is the perfect song to remember in those moments when I feel a bit stuck and frozen in my sea of possibilities. So after my Flaming Lips playlist, I’ll put it on next as it is the icing on top!

If I were to have a theme song of all time, it would be this. And yes, you can play it at the pagan love-fest-dance-party of a “funeral” that someone puts together for me one day after I croak. Its *that* good and close to my heart. In fact, it was the first song I ever played to Lucas when he was in my belly via my headphones. Its the first song he ever heard! How rad is that?

I ❤ Thom Yorke and I ❤ Modeselektor.
Win. Win.

Happy Sunday!

hello. goodbye.

was a mantra of mine this summer. It is a self-crafted mantra to recall and appreciate the ever flowing river of life. It helps me remember the importance of letting go of everything. Even the things I wish to say hello to. Which, in my opinion, is the hardest act of free-will there is!

In the early hours of dawn today we experienced a full moon eclipse. Full moons and eclipses can accentuate energies to expose and release our egos. Maybe that is why I feel plagued with this today.

Upon rising this morning, a certain hopeful feeling that was planted in my heart recently had escaped me. All day I fought the sensation of letting go of it. I didn’t want to face the fact that my heart was pulling the reigns back in. I didn’t want to face that even though I long for certain things in my life that aren’t present right now, that my heart yearns for them more than I can convince myself, by way of my mind, that they are happening a particular way.

Truthfully I’m unsure how to find the healthy balance of dreaming/desiring/visualizing and accepting the lack of these “things.” I’m far too faithful not to dream and hold them in my heart as though they are already true- as in manifesting. But obviously, they aren’t in my material reality as of now. Yes, I realize that this is where my mantra could do me some good. But its not that easy to just get there- you have to walk there first. It takes steps… It takes, space and time.

I guess *that’s* what I’m fighting; The chasm between the experience that will be and where I am today. That grey, yet deep deep black sea of nothingness and everything called the now. The space and moment that is not separate from the future, yet has to be relatively disconnected from the past, so that we can align with our dreams.

Side note: ironic isn’t it that so many people refer to this abyss of pure potential as a sea and I’m noting the synchronistic event of the full moon eclipse and its effect on my “abyss-chasm.”

Obviously the past creates the present, yet if we hold on to past experiences, thoughts, behaviors, whathaveyou also known as samskara (http://swamij.com/karma.htm) which creates & is created by karma- if we hold these things to be true and foundational for the patterning of our futures we might as well give up. Which I realize, is so far easier said than done. But without a doubt, it is possible. All it takes is observation.

This particular eclipse is supposed to be favorable of letting go of mental habits. Join me in taking this opportunity to pay attention to what we tell ourselves about a n y t h i n g in our life. Especially the things that are the seeds of dreams and our heart’s greatest desires and what we’ll allow to be a barrier to them.

I’m taking this opportunity to release the ideas that those seeds need to look a particular way. I give up Universe. You win. My heart yearns for Truth and Love in a large way and there is no way I will not know when it is here. It obviously hasn’t yet fully blossomed, but the seed is growing. I planted it and nourish it and myself well. I believe in that ocean of potential and I believe in me.

There is far too much beauty within my heart to prevent me from anything less than a life full of love and deep connections, and ultimately the source of the true love within each blessed moment.

Jai!

* * *

Whenever I get to a point where I feel like I have to “give up” to the Universe, I think of this song: