Om Ma Durga Om

Appreciating Durga today.

image

The divine goddess of love and motherhood. She loves so fiercely that within her being is every “weapon” that spiritual warriors could posses. Her presence radiates beauty, confidence, acceptance, and strength… she has the loving awareness to witness all “evil, darkness, ego” gone astray with such divine power that the “evil, darkness, ego” wishes be released from itself. It simply offers itself to her to die under the swiftness of her sword.

At least, this is the way I understand her, taught to me by Dr. Manoj Chalam.

Karmic reweaving of mother/child-hood has been thick, in my sleeping and waking dreams the last few days. In this I experience prophetic dreams, symbolic messages, vibrational detoxes, and toddler-triggers galore!

Yesterday, my sweet toddler was pushing every button I had. I saw and felt my reactions and equally rose above said triggers and unconsciously reacted to them. When I reacted, I immediately felt what I was doing to my child, and to myself, by being angry. I communicated as best I could to him that I was reacting poorly and that I was sorry for my lack of patience.

In fleeting moments of silence, or in split seconds of post-trigger awareness, I would quickly pray. “Dear God, Great Spirit, please forgive me and guide me to be a better mother.”

I knew better than to believe I was a shitty parent and horrible mother. Sure, I felt that way, but I knew better than to let my heart attach itself to the sticky entrapment of misery presenting itself to me. Yet it took an unwavering commitment to say NO to it, every time.

Before going to sleep I was following through with a few logistical texts with our baby’s nanny, and friend in the spirit tribe in Boise. I let her know I was going to bed, and thus I did not see her replies until morning. Her last text to me, wished that I be filled with white light. Which she’d never said via text before.

It was sweet to read upon waking, as she didn’t know of the internal struggle I was challenged with and it was also supportive of the guidance that came to my dreams that night:

I was in a large stadium with people I knew and didn’t know. I found my 4 year old son there and he informed me that he was like his Dad and he has coyote medicine within him. Coyote is a shape shifter, and also a bit of a PLAYful instigator I believe. This gave me an “ah-ha” within my being and helped me understand why he is the way he is. Read: why I get triggered the way I do. 😉

I then was given an assignment to teach yoga in the stadium and I knew it had to be a heart-centric practice so that people could feel the loving acceptance I was feeling after my “ah-ha.” I was walking to where I would be teaching and I had an invisible presence next to me whispering that I create a perfect mantra for this experience. The presence felt masculine, and fatherly. He was helping me with my mantra as I would hope to help my son learn: patiently. As we walked the conversation went like this:

What would be best to start the mantra with?

….Om. Yes Om, the sound of creation.

Yes. That is good. And what shall follow it? What makes YOU feel loved?

Durga! Yes Durga should follow Om!

(Silent presence, knowing there’s a better answer.)

Oh wait, Ma! Ma Durga!

Very well! And let it finish with Om too. 🙂

Om Ma Durga Om!

I felt love and loved, and full of joy! The feeling increased every time I repeated it and I also felt so happy to have created just the right mantra to use in the waking dream to give me power on my path. I awoke shortly after.

I have a feeling that it was either one of my most relied upon teachers Babaji, or very likely Maharaj-ji visiting me in my dreams. I have been reading Maharaj-ji influences a lot lately through Ram Dass’ book Be Love Now for a book club I recently put in motion.

Shadow work, ie Karmic reweaving, is powerful when you arm yourself with awareness. I am thankful for the love of Durga and that of the True Christ that resides in my heart. I am thankful that my soul is armed in the soft, white feathers of owl and can wisely navigate within darkness. I am happy to have love in my home plus circles upon circles of divine beauty and embodiment in friendships in my city.

We should all be so lucky.

Summer Lovin

is what I do.

I love all the time.
I love my, eh-hem… job?, all of the time.
I love reiki-massage, and my thirst for life.

I love touching a person gently and not knowing, or caring to discern “why” (relatively).
I love giving a person source-energy and talking with them about life and love.
I love when people tell me that they feel safe with me and no one else.

I love when people fall asleep and wake themselves up from auditory-confirmations of their said relaxed state.
I love when it becomes electric-lightning and suddenly jolts their body into a new consciousness!
I love when a gentle moment is heard in a soft exhalation.
I love my tingsha bells.
I love the vibration of purity and the song it makes in between.
I love your anger and your tears.
I love my own.
I love Palo Santo.

I love the quiet comfort of the northend home in which I practice.
I love the people on foot and bikes outside, and even my occasionally noisy neighbor when he randomly shouts out “belly button,” and I realize its truly a message from above… or beside.

*

I love placing stones on you.
I love that you bring your own and I have mine.
I love that we share.
I love that I see you not only here, but there.
I love that this is ours, our city, our experience, our friendship, our Earth-ship!!
Yes! I do love getting carried away in flow…
Oh Boise,
I love our river.

The water, the earth-mother, she blesses us and takes us back into her every time we gently lay our feet near her bed. When we rest our head, near her current, trusting her presence, breathing our blessings.

Thank you great mOther.
In Oneness, we share her.

Om~~*

Photo used under CC. http://www.flickr.com/photos/devolva-me/6556347333/OMomOMomOMomOMomOMomOMomOM

**

Let us meet at our river beds, make art, share love, dance, praise, swim, and sing of our heart’s greatest dreams! Jai!

Photo used under CC. http://www.flickr.com/photos/devolva-me/6556347333/

Sporgasm!

I do believe I have had my first official, yet definitely not last, Sporgasm!! Don’t feel left out. You can have sporgasms too. Read on…

I found myself following dreams that I either wished for, or was served, and through the process I became a Sporganizer for Evolver Boise. Sporganizer?? Sporgasms?? Evolver Boise?? What is all of this talk about!?

First let me explain a little about Evolver Boise. Evolver.net is a portal into the living creation of spores through out the world. Spores are born in cities to bring people together and communicate face-to-face and see what dreams can be born. Evolver Boise is my hometown’s very own Spore, or organism to create life and change in our city within the flexible-framework of Evolver.net and RealitySandwich.com.

Spores have sprouted up all around the world in cities to bring people together with vision and drive to change the world, realizing that its “Our world to change.” You can create a profile on Evolver.net and explore the writings and contribution of a world full of enthusiastic, accomplished writiters, dreamers, scientists, poets, and the like. From there, check out the Evolver Groups for your city and find your local spore, or join one of the myriad of dynamic, engaging groups topics and dive in!

Evolver.net was born out of the community that was so richly rising from the depths of RealitySandwich.com in its early inception. Y’know… it was only inevitable that all those weirdos and psychedelic freaks that ate up the content on Reality Sandwich would want to get together not only online but IN REAL LIFE to create change in joyous manifestation. Yippeeeee!!! 😀

To bring it off of the internet, every month spores all across the world come together exploring concepts and new designs on life, with the intention to inspire and create change within individuals and the community through communication, action, and enjoyment. Every spore creates something unique. It is an organic creation built upon the people who participate. This means YOU! There aren’t motives from the Sporganizers or even Evolver.net to create specific action items, other than joy, health, and liberation. What ever comes to be in the process, is up to all of us.

Evolver Boise came to be thanks to the one and only Marisa Smith Weppner. I thank the heavens that her dear husband Bill swept her off her feet and transplanted her here in Boise. Boise is indebted to Marisa, in my opinion, for her passions and manifestations in the realms of yoga, health, indigenous philosophy, psychology, and music! She is co-owner and founder of Sage Yoga and Wellness and not only gave birth to the Evolver Boise Spore, but also to Evolver Seattle while living there, and is a DJ on 89.9 KRBX Radio Boise’s Toast and Jam every Thursday morning at 9 am!

I met Marisa through yoga and sacred music (kirtan) and again through my son’s father who went to school with her husband. She became an instant friend of our family and even gave my son her vintage (1977) Darth Vader T-shirt for his first birthday. She wore it in high-school as a skinny raver-girl and it of course fit my sumo-sized one year old right away!

It wasn’t long after that I was sharing my ideas of throwing large dance parties to raise awareness for certain causes with her and was inspired to become a sporganizer after viewing Daniel Pinchbeck’s film 2012: A Time for Change in December of 2010. Yet life was thriving and I needed to tend to myself as a newly single mama and Marisa became pregnant with her second child. I was blessed to be there while her son was born, as her doula, and I feel blessed to be with her as Evolver Boise is reborn as well.

This April kicked off Evolver Boise’s return as we screened the documentary film Wake Up. The film follows Jonas Elrod and the path of his unexpected, transformative, and spiritual awakening as he tries to make sense of his life and the world as he integrates the spirit world and material world. It is very poignant of the evolutionary shifts many are finding themselves wrapped up in today. One that speaks of a spiritual thirst, a quest to know oneself, and to find deeper meaning within the world. The event was a great success! We had a wonderful turn out and we all really enjoyed the film and Skyping with Jonas after.

Our spore for May was spectacular weekend of events! We were so blessed to have one of the founders of Reality Sandwich and Evolver to visit our beautiful city. Jonathan Talat Phillips came to Boise to shine light on the Evolver movement, Spiritual Warrior Bio-Energetic healing, and his recently published work, The Electric Jesus. The Healing Journey of a Contemporary Gnostic.

I was particularly ecstatic from the magic that brought him to Boise. Two weeks before I learned of his book, I had prayed for guidance to teachers and writers who could help me further understand and explore my own healing experiences and awakenings to the deeper meaning of Christ consciousness. It had been a climatic year of visions through my healing work and for those that I provide to others in 2011. I prayed that 2012 would connect me to others that might help me make sense of these visions and allow me to take steps forward and to share it appropriately, in order to help other people.

In addition to finding his book, a couple months later I was on the phone with Marisa and Talat, scheduling his time in Boise. What magic!! This one prayer gave birth to so much more. This is the nature of Evolver and sporgasms! I am so pleased to be a part of Evolver and love that the magic will always continue!

My latest sporgasm comes from the adventure that I am about to take as I journey to Desert Rocks Festival in Green River, UT and represent Evolver Boise while I meet and learn from greats like Grandmother Flordemayo, Daniel Pinchbeck, Mitch Schultz, more from Johnathan Talat Phillips, and so many more! It will be my first festival pilgrimage without my son in three years. I will miss him, but I will seize this opportunity and look forward to what the open road of adventure and creation will bring.

Evolver Jai!
Evolver Boise Jai!

Evolution Jai!!!

Fundamentals of Christ Consciousness Energy, the Energy of the Heart.

In it’s barest of bones, Christ consciousness is comprised of a couple of lines and a circle. Imagine that, a cross, with special attention drawn to where the two lines intersect by way of a circle. This image is also known as a Pagan cross or Celtic cross.

These two elements represent feminine and masculine energy combined. Circles obviously being feminine and lines representing male energy. However, I would say that the center line represents masculinity more so in regards to this idea. As a friend and I joked today, sometimes masculine energy might make a line pointing up, or it might point down, but nonetheless it always makes a line! 😉

Christ consciousness in our bodies lies in the union of masculine and feminine energy. Thus, represented in the heart of the lines creating the cross-hairs of opposing forces in the Pagan cross. What is interesting in the idea of “opposing” forces is that they are merely two essential ingredients that facilitate the act of compassion and forgiveness. I will get back to this concept in a moment.

Let us consider the image of a Pagan cross as a map of energy. I will try to explain how I see it for myself, and I welcome any ideas and feedback whether they are supportive or critical of these concepts.

First, we can see that the Pagan cross has three components: the circle, horizontal line, and vertical line.

If we see both the horizontal and vertical lines of the cross representing the human body, we can then associate a right and a left side. This is important because of the essential elements of masculine and femininity within each body. These concepts have been embraced through cultures of all times, through out all corners of the world. Plus they are commonly accepted and appreciated in most health minded beings today.

Within these two hemispheres, the left side represents feminine energies and the right masculine. Feminine qualities manifest in the physical realm through receptivity, a quiet, constant energy and presence, and with a certain coolness to it. Masculine energies are active, move forward or up, and have heat.

Taking a look at the circle, I see that it is reflective of two things, the Earth and the container that holds a union of male and female, yin and yang, and the positive and negative components that comprise our material world. I find it a beautiful metaphor that the circle can represent Mother Earth, and that there is a special relationship between it and the lines that form the cross, and therefore everything that it represents in our bodies and in Christ’s embodiment.

There is an essential element for Christ to exhist and of course it denotes a feminine presence. We can definitely take this literally to see the importance of the relationship between Mother Mary birthing Christ’s consciousness onto this planet, also feminine: Earth.

The harmony and circle/line symbolism of Mother Mary and the Divine Feminine Mother Earth and Christ consciousness can also be found in our body’s circular joints and long-bones. Circular joints store feminine energy meanwhile long bones possess more masculine influences. We can see that the pelvic “bowl” representing the bones of the pelvis are feminine in nature, when you consider the “empty” space that the inner framework creates. The spine is masculine and the skull feminine because of its round shape. Here we also find the importance of union between masculine and feminine in the spine and brain. These two parts are integral to our central nervous system. Also, I have to note the similarities between a penis and the spine and skull. Oh the beauty of the lingam (penis) and its shaft and head! Beautiful isn’t it!?

Even though it could be a semi-safe assumption to say that the mind is masculine because it is active in nature, that would be to overlook that it is simply its current conditioned state in our culture today. I believe it is feminine because the brain is mostly comprised of water, the eyes which are extensions of the brain are circular, and we have the ability to tap into deep metaphoric pools of wisdom when we practice slowing the activity of our monkey-minds down and tap into Universal energy. (A relevant and worthwhile video on this notion by way of an Alaskan indigenous elder: http://youtu.be/en4TKmldjrM)

Going back to the sum of the opposing forces within the cross being essential to facilitate forgiveness and compassion, I will reference the Hawaiian Hoʻoponopono prayer, which is: I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. These words have both a feminine and masculine context in my heart and mind which relate to the equidistant cross within the circle of the Pagan cross. They also represent the journey of cultivating Christ consciousness in our bodies and releasing karma, wounds, and blockages to bring about healing, through a process of honoring these four particular elements.

The left side is the Divine Feminine’s presence: I love you.
The bottom line denotes a lower vibration of our human experience: I’m sorry.
The right side is the active act of Christ’s forgiveness: Please forgive me.
The upper line denotes a higher vibration of our human experience: Thank you.
All of these lines and hemispheres have their own, and collective movement or energy and consciousness. Yet together they form the totality, the union, of it all.

I will mention that this is a somewhat western viewpoint, mostly because of the Christian undertones. However, we could also say the cross-hairs represent Krishna consciousness or any particular deities embodying forgiveness and compassion.

Now we have a map of source energy found at our heart’s center, which Christ embodied. I did not find this as a scholar of books and literature, but of bodies and through sacred teachers that that speak to me through my heart and grant me visions and words through my third eye in mediations and while holding sacred space giving reiki-massage healings. Thanks to Talat Phillips recent novel, The Electric Jesus I have become inspired to seek out the other Gnostic texts. If you have a favorite, please share this with me.

To me, I see how this map demonstrates that no aspect of life is one single point, that there is force behind everything regardless if we are able to see it. It portrays a culmination of Earthly forces within the opportunity and process of healing. It is of upmost importance in our current evolution of a species finding harmony with each other and the Earth through our heart’s center.

This map can illustrate the blue-print for the essential components to layer with the free-energy torus (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vZRKVJQKUk) over the pagan cross and superimpose that onto our bodies, in efforts to create a vital, healthy, abundant flow.

If you wish to use these concepts to heal yourself, I suggest a meditation while sitting upright and visualizing your center axis, or shashumna, as the vertical line with a horizontal line at your heart’s center rather than where it would intersect at the literal horizontal line of your arms. However, where ever you place your cross will bring healing to the center of it. While you sit and connect to your breath and the visual of the cross within your body, you can visualize the reflexology zone-therapy lines (http://isabellehutton.com/images/reflex.points.map.GIF) creating lines that make up a torus, while intending on cycling your energy down and through the lines.

You will sense where things flow and where they don’t. These areas are nothing to be ashamed or frightened of. They are the doorways to healing. By placing the cross hairs of your Pagan cross in the center of these places you can say the Hoʻoponopono prayer, the Lord’s prayer, or another compassion-evoking mantra that you resonate with, or viewing an image or color that you feel brings energy, health, vitality, and healing.

I also encourage you to keep your visual of the cross at your heart’s center and simply see the energy flowing through the torus, zones, and center channel as flowing and healthy, golden, and vibrant rather than seeing that it is blocked while you continue to cycle the energy through and breath steadily and calmly. It will foster subconscious patterning that supports health and awareness.

These blocks are karmic and oftentimes more related to our ancestor’s contribution to the energy that comprises our DNA, than our own stories in our conscious awareness of our lives thus far. By doing this practice, we can honor ourselves as portals into a new humanity of our genetic line into abundance through love, forgiveness, and compassion and our bravery that it takes to forge the path.

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This post is intended to be the foundation for future posts on the nature of energy in our bodies and opportunities to use the divine harmonic frequencies of masculine and feminine energies together to transform and evolve our species and ourselves. I hope you enjoy them and I learn by the people I meet, both online and off, so if you have anything to share in response with me, I greatly appreciate it and welcome the opportunity to learn from you.

To honor us all on the path of learning and evolving, Jai!

Waves lapping

Aside

my warm heart slowly melting golden,
dripping down to the ground.
A tree, my Self,
softening and sapping.

Yellow, orange, amber
rolling down, down, closer to the ground
into one another. Blending with
light, sight and your eyes.

Waves lapping,
ocean of time
beyond my mind and
in my breath.

Ardha Chandrasana,
a balancing waxing/waning moon.

Butterfly wing,
heart kisses.
Eyes of my child
fasten my root to earth.

And to my infinite mother
thank you.

“The Power of Woman is Love

And when a woman doesn’t receive, or is acknowledged by sharing this, woman’s biggest power is not available to us.” – Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer

These videos (attached below) came my way via a yoga teacher today and I am loving the messages in this, the second of the 3-part series. Cesar also speaks to his own femininity in the first video, which goes to show that men have this inherent power of Love and nurturing from within. It is more natural to woman, yet not hidden from men.

The concepts spoken of in these videos of “not fighting Mother Nature,” to Witness another and allow them to be in order to gain trust, respect, loyalty and eventually love speaks volumes to the nature of dog ownership, relationships, motherhood, and to me in the value of a doula, or labor and birth-support companion.

I have two births coming up in the next two months that I am very excited about doulaing. Both are planned vaginal births after cesarean, one at home and the other at a hospital. I am feeling really touched by the honor it is to hold space and give that loving witness to women and families in this process. It is such a powerful, yet vulnerable experience for every birth. Working with first-time mothers and VBACs gives even more depth to the process, as it is the unknown which is by far the most challenging avenue for us all. Whether we’re birthing of a child, or a new way of being.

I have been seeking some clarity and inspiration to gain more financial stability and health for myself and my son lately. I seem to always “get by” and am very blessed to be serving my purpose and to receive support from friends and family through their own gestures of kindness and gifts. It is so very helpful, but I want to know that I am creating stable future for us. I want vacations, comfort, and a strong sense of material peace. I know I am creating these, yet returning to work full-time will bring more opportunity.

A few synchronistic unfoldings in the last 24 hours have given me some wonderful insights and reminded me of some of my inherent gifts that I want to give to the world, in service, from my heart passionately. I think I had forgotten about the blessing and honor of the role of doula because I haven’t been able to fully explore this role, until now. The commitment to doula felt too overwhelming as a newly single mother and of a child that was still breastfeeding. I had a lot of healing to do, to truly be able to tend to others.

One year post breakup, yesterday, I was given the opportunity to set a declaration for my chosen embodiment after ecstatic dance at Grace Place. We sat in circle, with Lucas on my lap, I stated that I declared and accepted of the role and responsibilities, the ownership and ability, and the joy and love that it is to be Divine Mother to a blessed Son and with the perfection and wholeness that it is, in itself. Or something like that. ; )

It has taken me this entire year be able to say that whole-heartedly and not be afraid of what that role means. It has taken a lot of support from others that saw the love and power in me before I could see it myself.

I am still weary and lonely at times, but I am starting to feel more and more comfortable and confident in the true meaning of what it *is* to *be* divine mother. It goes far beyond what I do for my son. It is what I embody for my bodywork clients, my role as doula, and without a doubt my intention in teaching yoga as well. It is my tone that I give, and it is the tone that so many others are giving as we are all finding a deeper understanding, awareness, and appreciation of our relationships with Mother Nature.

Cesar Millan is a beautiful man that is fully embodying his divine feminine as well. I highly recommend watching these as I’m sure that whether it be for yourself, your dog, or your relationships you will find a source of inspiration to “Mother” yourself into a more balanced way of being.

Jai!

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Where do you mother yourself and the world? How do these ideas manifest in your life? Care to share?? Please do! : )