Beltane Remembrances

Five years ago today, I sat in sacred plant ceremony for the first time. I peeled away the layers of this world that I knew and felt comfortable with. It was terrifying. Yet, when I realized there was no escaping it and let go, I received spiritual guidance and support to remove restrictions in my mind and body and unify with love consciousness… the energy of abundance, truth, and emptiness.

A realization that there is enough in this very moment, for myself and everyone, to live peacefully in the NOW. (Read: Let your dramas go!)

I was given the opportunity to rebirth myself, to find my way. I am not a perfected being of course, but I will always carry that experience with me in my heart and not only believe, but know, it is the ultimate truth for us all.

There is always enough time and energy for love. Drop your judgements, this moment is unfolding, feel it with love in your heart and body… even if it’s bearing loving witness to horrendous pain.

Be a portal for an expression, rather than playing a role for a particular outcome.

May all beings be free of suffering. Blessed May Day wishes to us all!~*°

Continue~Yin

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Keeping in tune
with yin,
with in.

Outward movement, y observation.
My babies, mi niño, y mijo.

Greater trochanter,
ego, child…
release
receive.

Es segura niña.
Birthing unfamiliar.

Mi familia
en inglés
amando por Armando.

Heart-mind opens
pink into kind-hearted,
supple red.

Tears of sunshine kisses.
Rubbing the white feathers out of my eyes I am feed. I can see!

No big fucKINGQUEEN deal.
Nada del otro mundo.

Same, Same.

Releasing, releasing.
This moment gloriously shows itself.

A story in one hand, opportunity in the breath, perspective in the mind, and one hand on the heart.

Abhaya.

I breathe.
practice complete.

To be continueYin’d.

dhanurasana

Recently I had a great postpartum spontaneous yoga flow in my studio, I mean kitchen. In this beautiful space I thought I might like to catalog my practice or inspirations on my blog, since I am not currently teaching anywhere at the moment.

One thing my 10 years as a bodyworker has taught me is that collective consciousness and experience(s), are a real deal. The proof for me has manifested in cyclical affects on mind-body energetic flow due to the season or cosmic forces.

Just think to yourself of the countless ways a lack, or an abundance of sun changes your mental or physical state of being. Provided, you live somewhere with seasons of course.

My intention is to share poses that support earth rhythms in alignment with my northwestern hemisphere region of life. This is my self study, writing furthers my understanding, and yet maybe it’ll help someone else in the long run. : )

My posts that begin with a yoga pose or practice in Sanskrit will more than likely be a part of this cataloging. I’ll also tag the posts asana. To save time, I am not going to go into detail as to how these yoga poses (asana) effect mind-body energy. Perhaps in other dedicated posts. But let the practice, and experience be the teacher moreso.

The current rhythm, in my corner of the world, is a returning of light/sun energy and richness of life from the earth in Spring.

Our bodies are receiving a greater potential to synergize our personal power/truth within Earth energies to make our deeper powers manifest.

These energies present through the expansive energies of our core (solar plexus) seeking connection downward, to the depth of our roots/Selves (hips, legs and feet) and beyond… to the nexus of Self and other, and Self and the Mother Earth.

These connections and relationships, can be observed and experienced by witnessing life and experience for what it IS in any moment, authentically sharing oneself plus an ability to be present for all cycles of the regeneration process.

Living, pure potential.

Here is an astrological forecast, and perspective of the current cosmic influences.Cosmic foo-foo. 😉

This was my practice this morning. The asana is not exact, to save time. But I’m posting the general and most relevant poses.

BEgin:
Sit comfortably and tall, breathe.

Chanting:
Om
Om Ma Durga
Ah, Om, Hung, Ram, Dzha (Tibetan Seed Syllables)

Asana:
Child’s pose (CP)
Prana flow/ Spinal “wave” free-flow (Moving through or similar to cat cow with a lot of personal interpretation.)
Cobra
CP
Down dog, dolphin
Plank on forearms
Dolphin
“Dolphin Dives” like little push-ups in Dolphin. In preparation for headstand, or for me the kramas (steps) to headstand.
CP
dhanurasana pose directions via YJ
rest, repeat 2 times
Dolphin
Plank on forearms
Dolphin
Dolphin Dives
Cobra
CP
Down dog
Mountain
Warrior 2, triangle
Repeat other side
Bridge (mini aka shoulders down)
rest, repeat 2 times
shavasana w mantra:
“I am forgiving. I am forgiven” spoken once.
shavasana meditation/release/ receptivity

Chant:
Om namah shivaya gurave
satchidananda murtaye
nishprapanchaya shantaya
niralambaya tejase
(I honor the essence of being, the auspicious one, the luminous teacher within and without, who assumes the forms of truth, consciousness, and bliss, is never absent, full of peace, ultimately free and sparkles with a divine luster.)

The result:
Heart open and cleansed. A stronger core. A present mind with deeper insight and determination, yet the added bonus of flexibility. Thank you union of self, heart and mind!

Here’s a photo of me that I took in my studio-kitchen inspired by the #fmsphotoaday challenge. Today’s theme is Shapes, which made me think of asana shapes! I was in triangle, trikonasana.
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Om Ma Durga Om

Appreciating Durga today.

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The divine goddess of love and motherhood. She loves so fiercely that within her being is every “weapon” that spiritual warriors could posses. Her presence radiates beauty, confidence, acceptance, and strength… she has the loving awareness to witness all “evil, darkness, ego” gone astray with such divine power that the “evil, darkness, ego” wishes be released from itself. It simply offers itself to her to die under the swiftness of her sword.

At least, this is the way I understand her, taught to me by Dr. Manoj Chalam.

Karmic reweaving of mother/child-hood has been thick, in my sleeping and waking dreams the last few days. In this I experience prophetic dreams, symbolic messages, vibrational detoxes, and toddler-triggers galore!

Yesterday, my sweet toddler was pushing every button I had. I saw and felt my reactions and equally rose above said triggers and unconsciously reacted to them. When I reacted, I immediately felt what I was doing to my child, and to myself, by being angry. I communicated as best I could to him that I was reacting poorly and that I was sorry for my lack of patience.

In fleeting moments of silence, or in split seconds of post-trigger awareness, I would quickly pray. “Dear God, Great Spirit, please forgive me and guide me to be a better mother.”

I knew better than to believe I was a shitty parent and horrible mother. Sure, I felt that way, but I knew better than to let my heart attach itself to the sticky entrapment of misery presenting itself to me. Yet it took an unwavering commitment to say NO to it, every time.

Before going to sleep I was following through with a few logistical texts with our baby’s nanny, and friend in the spirit tribe in Boise. I let her know I was going to bed, and thus I did not see her replies until morning. Her last text to me, wished that I be filled with white light. Which she’d never said via text before.

It was sweet to read upon waking, as she didn’t know of the internal struggle I was challenged with and it was also supportive of the guidance that came to my dreams that night:

I was in a large stadium with people I knew and didn’t know. I found my 4 year old son there and he informed me that he was like his Dad and he has coyote medicine within him. Coyote is a shape shifter, and also a bit of a PLAYful instigator I believe. This gave me an “ah-ha” within my being and helped me understand why he is the way he is. Read: why I get triggered the way I do. 😉

I then was given an assignment to teach yoga in the stadium and I knew it had to be a heart-centric practice so that people could feel the loving acceptance I was feeling after my “ah-ha.” I was walking to where I would be teaching and I had an invisible presence next to me whispering that I create a perfect mantra for this experience. The presence felt masculine, and fatherly. He was helping me with my mantra as I would hope to help my son learn: patiently. As we walked the conversation went like this:

What would be best to start the mantra with?

….Om. Yes Om, the sound of creation.

Yes. That is good. And what shall follow it? What makes YOU feel loved?

Durga! Yes Durga should follow Om!

(Silent presence, knowing there’s a better answer.)

Oh wait, Ma! Ma Durga!

Very well! And let it finish with Om too. 🙂

Om Ma Durga Om!

I felt love and loved, and full of joy! The feeling increased every time I repeated it and I also felt so happy to have created just the right mantra to use in the waking dream to give me power on my path. I awoke shortly after.

I have a feeling that it was either one of my most relied upon teachers Babaji, or very likely Maharaj-ji visiting me in my dreams. I have been reading Maharaj-ji influences a lot lately through Ram Dass’ book Be Love Now for a book club I recently put in motion.

Shadow work, ie Karmic reweaving, is powerful when you arm yourself with awareness. I am thankful for the love of Durga and that of the True Christ that resides in my heart. I am thankful that my soul is armed in the soft, white feathers of owl and can wisely navigate within darkness. I am happy to have love in my home plus circles upon circles of divine beauty and embodiment in friendships in my city.

We should all be so lucky.

7.23.12

What a day.

It started as most Mondays do for me; a little somber. The schedule my son’s father and I keep for now, gives me Saturday night and Sunday with Lucas. By the time Monday morning hits, I’m so attached to having him around, laughing with him, sharing him with family and friends that I’m sad to see him go. This morning was nothing less. I did my best to wade through the heaviness in my heart and enjoy my time getting him dressed, fed, and ready to go.

As most Mondays go, by the time I get downtown to do check-ins for a yoga class at Sage, I am in much better spirits. Which was definitely the case today as I knew I would be receiving a massage straight after doing my checkins from a woman that I highly regard as a bodyworker and massage therapist. She’s one of those people that you feel safe and loved with instantaneously. I am blessed to hear my clients say that about me, and I’m very glad to have someone I can go to like that, because I have a hard time trusting people. Its part of my journey into fully loving myself and others.

Since I was feeling so tender, I decided to share this with my friend. She walked me right into the center of my truth of my heart without effort and *flash!* the flood of my tears started. Well, some tears happened, but my heart was open and I was going to take full advantage of this opportunity to cleanse my heart space. I shared with her some recent shifts in my body, particularly my ankles and lower legs, that have been happening in my yoga practice that I am very excited about and are quite profound. Additionally they have radically enhanced my bodywork sessions with others as well. Because of this, I was hoping she would tend to my lower body (hips and below) to help bolster and support the opening of my heart. However, whether intentionally or not, she went right for the bulls-eye of my heart’s center.

I layed in the gorgeous, open space between white soft sheets facing down. Joyfully exhaling and coming into the moment and appreciating this woman with all of my heart. We have shared some very vulnerable spaces together and I trust her. I was so thankful to have her there for me today, knowing I did not have to get into my story with her and whatever it looked like, whatever I looked like, she would love and tend to me.

As she walked back into the space she started assessing my body with general compression and stretches. She lifted the sheet off of my back and dove right on in. I’m unsure of how much time she spent on my back, but it literally felt like she was removing layers and layers of protection and pain that I haven’t ever experienced so vividly during a massage. My mental awareness dropped down into my heart space and I saw images of my son’s father that morning. The way his hair and eyes looked and how I still love him. Yet in a beautifully painful way. I don’t believe we could ever be together again, but I do believe that I will never stop loving him.

Yesterday was a gift for what used to be my family of three. Following the Evolver Boise Locavore Potluck we had a few people together to do a fun-ride on our bikes. His father is a very active bike enthusiast/activist. His roommate was also there and I could tell how happy my son was that we were going on this mini parade where he knew and loved most of the people on their bikes. It really touched me because I want to give my son as much of a shared experience between his father and I as is humanly possible for a co-parenting situation. Because of this I choose to never stop admiring this man, which in turn could mean that I will end up with heartache on some level too. That’s ok with me. I had to wait until I graduated high-school for both sides of my family to have a meal together and I will never forget how happy I felt that day. It meant more to me than any of the gifts I received by far. It gave my heart what I yearned for and in its lack, created the protection that was being lifted away by the grace of one woman’s hands and heart.

As I lay on the massage table, visions of my ex from the night before, the familiarity of us riding bikes together, and just having him there to help when Lucas was getting too far out of my sight made me tender inside. Tears started flowing and I welcomed them, yet I could feel them wanting to take over the show and make myself cry uncontrollably. Maybe that would help, but the issue of my nose starting to run while face down put the kibosh on that and I simply rose up, wet-face and all and asked for some tissue.

As she continued with the treatment and moved to different areas of my body, the intensity waned. Yet, I never stopped tearing through out the whole session. My body felt like it was taken over by apathy and I was completely broken and numb. I know that between my mother and grandmother’s grief and loss stored in their DNA, which makes up my own, coupled with my grief from missing the both of them immensely, and more recently losing a nuclear family, I usually have a large weight of pain in my chest that keeps me guarded and distant. Truthfully, I doubt that if it weren’t for trusting this beautifully radiant woman and healer, to walk with me through it, I would’ve never seen the other side of the mountain today.

I left feeling keenly aware, exposed and raw. I knew how I needed tend to myself: water, good food, quiet space, meditation, and allowing my tears to flow. Still, I wanted distraction so I… tweeted. I went to twitter and read what the world was up to. One person I follow had begun tweeting some “conspiracy” tweets about the Aurora shootings. I was thankful to read them, merely because I had opened that can of worms on my feed the night before and I was hoping I wasn’t just being paranoid. But seeing @stopbeingfamous’ insight, I felt some sort of reassurance.

Yet, reassurance for what?! The Fk’d up situations of the world. As I continued upon my social media distraction train I landed on facebook. A very wise teacher of mine who lives in Colorado had posted a beautiful status about the community she shares and what they were doing on a particular day. She interwove the recent tragedies in a way of gracefully transitioning how we handle dark-energies and nurture them into loving ways. I absolutely adored her status, yet she also pointed towards a lack of community being the cause- neighbors not knowing each other well enough to notice odd behavior of a sociopath… ie kevlar suits, and probably ridiculous amounts of ammo and whatnot.

Reading this struck my “I can’t keep my mouth shut any more chord.” Not that I needed to speak out against what she said, but to the level of possibility that it is beyond this one man’s actions. Shortly thereafter my “status” became:

I forewarn you, this is 100% my opinion and experience. I share it because I can’t help but voice myself, my heart is breaking and my body is angry. Many people know that there were very select powers in charge that calculated tragic events to obtain their agenda. (Pearl Harbor & Sept 11th.) I fully believe in the POWER of the 99%/100% yet the 1% is scared shitless right now imho. It is highly possible, in a world where corrupt power has dominated through fear, force and aggression, that the recent events in Colorado were not just the actions and motives of just one man. I don’t bring this up to be all anti-government/”those” powers. I bring it up so that we can pay close attention to what comes out of this, particularly any laws to take away rights from our citizens. These laws and this fear needs to be nonviolently rejected, in my humble opinion. I know I can be an intensely passionate person, but I see that this level of peaceful, nonviolent protest needs to happen on every level of humanity in local communities. I feel and see the importance of coming together and create a better future- nonGMO, Earth-based consumerism, power, and manufacture. I’ve just had enough… its time to redesign. Oh, did I mention, NOW!? Thank you for allowing this space to rant Facebook/FBI, I don’t give a fuck.

With an addendum quickly following to ask that “ALL beings be free of suffering. Om mani padme hum.” I felt so much better after I wrote it, yet the magic came when I sat down on my yoga mat in order to let the sadness flow through me.

I cried.
I cried hard.
For the first time since my son was born, or maybe even conceived, I did not cry because of a personal story, wound, or because of my ancestor’s stories. I cried for the Earth. She told me that because I channel her for reiki (Mother Earth has been my reiki guide since 2002 which was well before I was a full-born Earth loving hippie or even accepted the concept.) that I also can channel her pain and she needed me to. I let my mouth drop open, I looked as though I was a woman in labor, moaning and rocking and crying in the truth of my pain. In these moments, I knew I was not at fault. I knew I had done nothing wrong. I knew that it was beautiful and I just needed to cry for her. Cry for all of the pain, known and unknown, on this planet. That since I have now chosen the additional role as an active member of Evolver that I have ownership of the world’s plight. Yet it isn’t going to break me. I just needed to morn for the collective. So I did.
It felt good.

I also received more confirmation, that we are experiencing a shortening of karma, which is also known as the quickening of time. I believe, and this internal vision/communication with spirit reinforced me, that the “next dimension” we are embarking upon is a melding of the material and spirit world. For many, this has already happened, and for others it will come. In this process, we are becoming more divine-like. Meaning, there is not once the “hierarchy” between the mortal man and angels, ascended masters, and guides. One reason why it is so imperative for us to tend to our physical bodies via food, exercise, and complimentary health systems is because we are going to have this union take effect regardless and when we aren’t in a high vibrational state, we are going to get our asses kicked much sooner than later.

So after I had a delicious slice of quiche and iced coffee, I went to work to do a couple of reiki-massage treatments. My first session was with someone who I have a special bond with. She’s been coming to me for at least 4 years, I have attuned her to reiki, and been her very own yoga-teacher in private sessions in her home. In 2011, shortly after my first visitations from Babaji Krishna & Jesus (one case of the thinning of the veil, the thinning of the hierarchal grid– greater access to ancient wisdoms.) I gave her a treatment and saw very clear images of DNA cords turning into ropes to assist her in a 3-dimensional space in her ascension process. This lead to revelations with the image of a cross overlaying the body, and the notion of forgiveness and trust in the body. As well as liberating our throat in the collective ascension process. The visualizations were much more elegant than I chose to give them in this post, but will share in more detail one day.

What was so special about our session today was this open, raw space between us that the healing in my heart had created. We established trust through sharing stories of the melding of spirit in our everyday worlds. We talked about the gifts we have both been receiving through the message of trust, which just so happened to be the angel card left out (not by me) on the shelf upon arriving to work that day, see below.

Angel cards at H'Jae Mama Healing Arts

Angel cards at H’Jae Mama Healing Arts

Trust is the main message of light-energy and ascension, that is to say, obtaining Christ(light)-like embodiments and living like true gods and goddesses in shared love, appreciation of life, and harmony with nature instead of fearing wrath and impending doom.

Today was a loaded day to say the least. One that took me back to the chosen role of healer of humanity. I had intentionally shut-off from the whole in my “initiation” process because everything had become too overwhelming for me. I needed my pregnancy to be about new life and love, I needed my first year postpartum to figure out myself as a mother and partner, and then I needed the following year to figure myself out as a single-mother. Which has bled into beyond a year and I am thankful for the commitment that I made to myself in my healing journey to sit with all of it and not mask it in any way. I have done a LOT of work. I feel like my healing treatment today took me through the “last stages” of sorrow and loss of relationship into an funnel for the Earth’s pain, and that I was a passing through a portal into a new, awakened, community-activated, human and humanitarian. One that I have been before, but never as a strong, capable, single mother.

Jai!

***

This evening on facebook Evolver posted a link to http://lawoftime.org/rainbow-bridge/rainbow-bridge-is-universal-peace.html which I found to be a blessed mark of the path in which to take this new level of awareness and concern. ❤

Sporgasm!

I do believe I have had my first official, yet definitely not last, Sporgasm!! Don’t feel left out. You can have sporgasms too. Read on…

I found myself following dreams that I either wished for, or was served, and through the process I became a Sporganizer for Evolver Boise. Sporganizer?? Sporgasms?? Evolver Boise?? What is all of this talk about!?

First let me explain a little about Evolver Boise. Evolver.net is a portal into the living creation of spores through out the world. Spores are born in cities to bring people together and communicate face-to-face and see what dreams can be born. Evolver Boise is my hometown’s very own Spore, or organism to create life and change in our city within the flexible-framework of Evolver.net and RealitySandwich.com.

Spores have sprouted up all around the world in cities to bring people together with vision and drive to change the world, realizing that its “Our world to change.” You can create a profile on Evolver.net and explore the writings and contribution of a world full of enthusiastic, accomplished writiters, dreamers, scientists, poets, and the like. From there, check out the Evolver Groups for your city and find your local spore, or join one of the myriad of dynamic, engaging groups topics and dive in!

Evolver.net was born out of the community that was so richly rising from the depths of RealitySandwich.com in its early inception. Y’know… it was only inevitable that all those weirdos and psychedelic freaks that ate up the content on Reality Sandwich would want to get together not only online but IN REAL LIFE to create change in joyous manifestation. Yippeeeee!!! 😀

To bring it off of the internet, every month spores all across the world come together exploring concepts and new designs on life, with the intention to inspire and create change within individuals and the community through communication, action, and enjoyment. Every spore creates something unique. It is an organic creation built upon the people who participate. This means YOU! There aren’t motives from the Sporganizers or even Evolver.net to create specific action items, other than joy, health, and liberation. What ever comes to be in the process, is up to all of us.

Evolver Boise came to be thanks to the one and only Marisa Smith Weppner. I thank the heavens that her dear husband Bill swept her off her feet and transplanted her here in Boise. Boise is indebted to Marisa, in my opinion, for her passions and manifestations in the realms of yoga, health, indigenous philosophy, psychology, and music! She is co-owner and founder of Sage Yoga and Wellness and not only gave birth to the Evolver Boise Spore, but also to Evolver Seattle while living there, and is a DJ on 89.9 KRBX Radio Boise’s Toast and Jam every Thursday morning at 9 am!

I met Marisa through yoga and sacred music (kirtan) and again through my son’s father who went to school with her husband. She became an instant friend of our family and even gave my son her vintage (1977) Darth Vader T-shirt for his first birthday. She wore it in high-school as a skinny raver-girl and it of course fit my sumo-sized one year old right away!

It wasn’t long after that I was sharing my ideas of throwing large dance parties to raise awareness for certain causes with her and was inspired to become a sporganizer after viewing Daniel Pinchbeck’s film 2012: A Time for Change in December of 2010. Yet life was thriving and I needed to tend to myself as a newly single mama and Marisa became pregnant with her second child. I was blessed to be there while her son was born, as her doula, and I feel blessed to be with her as Evolver Boise is reborn as well.

This April kicked off Evolver Boise’s return as we screened the documentary film Wake Up. The film follows Jonas Elrod and the path of his unexpected, transformative, and spiritual awakening as he tries to make sense of his life and the world as he integrates the spirit world and material world. It is very poignant of the evolutionary shifts many are finding themselves wrapped up in today. One that speaks of a spiritual thirst, a quest to know oneself, and to find deeper meaning within the world. The event was a great success! We had a wonderful turn out and we all really enjoyed the film and Skyping with Jonas after.

Our spore for May was spectacular weekend of events! We were so blessed to have one of the founders of Reality Sandwich and Evolver to visit our beautiful city. Jonathan Talat Phillips came to Boise to shine light on the Evolver movement, Spiritual Warrior Bio-Energetic healing, and his recently published work, The Electric Jesus. The Healing Journey of a Contemporary Gnostic.

I was particularly ecstatic from the magic that brought him to Boise. Two weeks before I learned of his book, I had prayed for guidance to teachers and writers who could help me further understand and explore my own healing experiences and awakenings to the deeper meaning of Christ consciousness. It had been a climatic year of visions through my healing work and for those that I provide to others in 2011. I prayed that 2012 would connect me to others that might help me make sense of these visions and allow me to take steps forward and to share it appropriately, in order to help other people.

In addition to finding his book, a couple months later I was on the phone with Marisa and Talat, scheduling his time in Boise. What magic!! This one prayer gave birth to so much more. This is the nature of Evolver and sporgasms! I am so pleased to be a part of Evolver and love that the magic will always continue!

My latest sporgasm comes from the adventure that I am about to take as I journey to Desert Rocks Festival in Green River, UT and represent Evolver Boise while I meet and learn from greats like Grandmother Flordemayo, Daniel Pinchbeck, Mitch Schultz, more from Johnathan Talat Phillips, and so many more! It will be my first festival pilgrimage without my son in three years. I will miss him, but I will seize this opportunity and look forward to what the open road of adventure and creation will bring.

Evolver Jai!
Evolver Boise Jai!

Evolution Jai!!!