Random Bio.

mOM.
Shamanic dreamer n weaver.
Dancer n believer.
Evolver of life.
Tantric Yogini.
Feeling,
Peace.

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7.23.12

What a day.

It started as most Mondays do for me; a little somber. The schedule my son’s father and I keep for now, gives me Saturday night and Sunday with Lucas. By the time Monday morning hits, I’m so attached to having him around, laughing with him, sharing him with family and friends that I’m sad to see him go. This morning was nothing less. I did my best to wade through the heaviness in my heart and enjoy my time getting him dressed, fed, and ready to go.

As most Mondays go, by the time I get downtown to do check-ins for a yoga class at Sage, I am in much better spirits. Which was definitely the case today as I knew I would be receiving a massage straight after doing my checkins from a woman that I highly regard as a bodyworker and massage therapist. She’s one of those people that you feel safe and loved with instantaneously. I am blessed to hear my clients say that about me, and I’m very glad to have someone I can go to like that, because I have a hard time trusting people. Its part of my journey into fully loving myself and others.

Since I was feeling so tender, I decided to share this with my friend. She walked me right into the center of my truth of my heart without effort and *flash!* the flood of my tears started. Well, some tears happened, but my heart was open and I was going to take full advantage of this opportunity to cleanse my heart space. I shared with her some recent shifts in my body, particularly my ankles and lower legs, that have been happening in my yoga practice that I am very excited about and are quite profound. Additionally they have radically enhanced my bodywork sessions with others as well. Because of this, I was hoping she would tend to my lower body (hips and below) to help bolster and support the opening of my heart. However, whether intentionally or not, she went right for the bulls-eye of my heart’s center.

I layed in the gorgeous, open space between white soft sheets facing down. Joyfully exhaling and coming into the moment and appreciating this woman with all of my heart. We have shared some very vulnerable spaces together and I trust her. I was so thankful to have her there for me today, knowing I did not have to get into my story with her and whatever it looked like, whatever I looked like, she would love and tend to me.

As she walked back into the space she started assessing my body with general compression and stretches. She lifted the sheet off of my back and dove right on in. I’m unsure of how much time she spent on my back, but it literally felt like she was removing layers and layers of protection and pain that I haven’t ever experienced so vividly during a massage. My mental awareness dropped down into my heart space and I saw images of my son’s father that morning. The way his hair and eyes looked and how I still love him. Yet in a beautifully painful way. I don’t believe we could ever be together again, but I do believe that I will never stop loving him.

Yesterday was a gift for what used to be my family of three. Following the Evolver Boise Locavore Potluck we had a few people together to do a fun-ride on our bikes. His father is a very active bike enthusiast/activist. His roommate was also there and I could tell how happy my son was that we were going on this mini parade where he knew and loved most of the people on their bikes. It really touched me because I want to give my son as much of a shared experience between his father and I as is humanly possible for a co-parenting situation. Because of this I choose to never stop admiring this man, which in turn could mean that I will end up with heartache on some level too. That’s ok with me. I had to wait until I graduated high-school for both sides of my family to have a meal together and I will never forget how happy I felt that day. It meant more to me than any of the gifts I received by far. It gave my heart what I yearned for and in its lack, created the protection that was being lifted away by the grace of one woman’s hands and heart.

As I lay on the massage table, visions of my ex from the night before, the familiarity of us riding bikes together, and just having him there to help when Lucas was getting too far out of my sight made me tender inside. Tears started flowing and I welcomed them, yet I could feel them wanting to take over the show and make myself cry uncontrollably. Maybe that would help, but the issue of my nose starting to run while face down put the kibosh on that and I simply rose up, wet-face and all and asked for some tissue.

As she continued with the treatment and moved to different areas of my body, the intensity waned. Yet, I never stopped tearing through out the whole session. My body felt like it was taken over by apathy and I was completely broken and numb. I know that between my mother and grandmother’s grief and loss stored in their DNA, which makes up my own, coupled with my grief from missing the both of them immensely, and more recently losing a nuclear family, I usually have a large weight of pain in my chest that keeps me guarded and distant. Truthfully, I doubt that if it weren’t for trusting this beautifully radiant woman and healer, to walk with me through it, I would’ve never seen the other side of the mountain today.

I left feeling keenly aware, exposed and raw. I knew how I needed tend to myself: water, good food, quiet space, meditation, and allowing my tears to flow. Still, I wanted distraction so I… tweeted. I went to twitter and read what the world was up to. One person I follow had begun tweeting some “conspiracy” tweets about the Aurora shootings. I was thankful to read them, merely because I had opened that can of worms on my feed the night before and I was hoping I wasn’t just being paranoid. But seeing @stopbeingfamous’ insight, I felt some sort of reassurance.

Yet, reassurance for what?! The Fk’d up situations of the world. As I continued upon my social media distraction train I landed on facebook. A very wise teacher of mine who lives in Colorado had posted a beautiful status about the community she shares and what they were doing on a particular day. She interwove the recent tragedies in a way of gracefully transitioning how we handle dark-energies and nurture them into loving ways. I absolutely adored her status, yet she also pointed towards a lack of community being the cause- neighbors not knowing each other well enough to notice odd behavior of a sociopath… ie kevlar suits, and probably ridiculous amounts of ammo and whatnot.

Reading this struck my “I can’t keep my mouth shut any more chord.” Not that I needed to speak out against what she said, but to the level of possibility that it is beyond this one man’s actions. Shortly thereafter my “status” became:

I forewarn you, this is 100% my opinion and experience. I share it because I can’t help but voice myself, my heart is breaking and my body is angry. Many people know that there were very select powers in charge that calculated tragic events to obtain their agenda. (Pearl Harbor & Sept 11th.) I fully believe in the POWER of the 99%/100% yet the 1% is scared shitless right now imho. It is highly possible, in a world where corrupt power has dominated through fear, force and aggression, that the recent events in Colorado were not just the actions and motives of just one man. I don’t bring this up to be all anti-government/”those” powers. I bring it up so that we can pay close attention to what comes out of this, particularly any laws to take away rights from our citizens. These laws and this fear needs to be nonviolently rejected, in my humble opinion. I know I can be an intensely passionate person, but I see that this level of peaceful, nonviolent protest needs to happen on every level of humanity in local communities. I feel and see the importance of coming together and create a better future- nonGMO, Earth-based consumerism, power, and manufacture. I’ve just had enough… its time to redesign. Oh, did I mention, NOW!? Thank you for allowing this space to rant Facebook/FBI, I don’t give a fuck.

With an addendum quickly following to ask that “ALL beings be free of suffering. Om mani padme hum.” I felt so much better after I wrote it, yet the magic came when I sat down on my yoga mat in order to let the sadness flow through me.

I cried.
I cried hard.
For the first time since my son was born, or maybe even conceived, I did not cry because of a personal story, wound, or because of my ancestor’s stories. I cried for the Earth. She told me that because I channel her for reiki (Mother Earth has been my reiki guide since 2002 which was well before I was a full-born Earth loving hippie or even accepted the concept.) that I also can channel her pain and she needed me to. I let my mouth drop open, I looked as though I was a woman in labor, moaning and rocking and crying in the truth of my pain. In these moments, I knew I was not at fault. I knew I had done nothing wrong. I knew that it was beautiful and I just needed to cry for her. Cry for all of the pain, known and unknown, on this planet. That since I have now chosen the additional role as an active member of Evolver that I have ownership of the world’s plight. Yet it isn’t going to break me. I just needed to morn for the collective. So I did.
It felt good.

I also received more confirmation, that we are experiencing a shortening of karma, which is also known as the quickening of time. I believe, and this internal vision/communication with spirit reinforced me, that the “next dimension” we are embarking upon is a melding of the material and spirit world. For many, this has already happened, and for others it will come. In this process, we are becoming more divine-like. Meaning, there is not once the “hierarchy” between the mortal man and angels, ascended masters, and guides. One reason why it is so imperative for us to tend to our physical bodies via food, exercise, and complimentary health systems is because we are going to have this union take effect regardless and when we aren’t in a high vibrational state, we are going to get our asses kicked much sooner than later.

So after I had a delicious slice of quiche and iced coffee, I went to work to do a couple of reiki-massage treatments. My first session was with someone who I have a special bond with. She’s been coming to me for at least 4 years, I have attuned her to reiki, and been her very own yoga-teacher in private sessions in her home. In 2011, shortly after my first visitations from Babaji Krishna & Jesus (one case of the thinning of the veil, the thinning of the hierarchal grid– greater access to ancient wisdoms.) I gave her a treatment and saw very clear images of DNA cords turning into ropes to assist her in a 3-dimensional space in her ascension process. This lead to revelations with the image of a cross overlaying the body, and the notion of forgiveness and trust in the body. As well as liberating our throat in the collective ascension process. The visualizations were much more elegant than I chose to give them in this post, but will share in more detail one day.

What was so special about our session today was this open, raw space between us that the healing in my heart had created. We established trust through sharing stories of the melding of spirit in our everyday worlds. We talked about the gifts we have both been receiving through the message of trust, which just so happened to be the angel card left out (not by me) on the shelf upon arriving to work that day, see below.

Angel cards at H'Jae Mama Healing Arts

Angel cards at H’Jae Mama Healing Arts

Trust is the main message of light-energy and ascension, that is to say, obtaining Christ(light)-like embodiments and living like true gods and goddesses in shared love, appreciation of life, and harmony with nature instead of fearing wrath and impending doom.

Today was a loaded day to say the least. One that took me back to the chosen role of healer of humanity. I had intentionally shut-off from the whole in my “initiation” process because everything had become too overwhelming for me. I needed my pregnancy to be about new life and love, I needed my first year postpartum to figure out myself as a mother and partner, and then I needed the following year to figure myself out as a single-mother. Which has bled into beyond a year and I am thankful for the commitment that I made to myself in my healing journey to sit with all of it and not mask it in any way. I have done a LOT of work. I feel like my healing treatment today took me through the “last stages” of sorrow and loss of relationship into an funnel for the Earth’s pain, and that I was a passing through a portal into a new, awakened, community-activated, human and humanitarian. One that I have been before, but never as a strong, capable, single mother.

Jai!

***

This evening on facebook Evolver posted a link to http://lawoftime.org/rainbow-bridge/rainbow-bridge-is-universal-peace.html which I found to be a blessed mark of the path in which to take this new level of awareness and concern. ÔŁĄ

Summer Lovin

is what I do.

I love all the time.
I love my, eh-hem… job?, all of the time.
I love reiki-massage, and my thirst for life.

I love touching a person gently and not knowing, or caring to discern “why” (relatively).
I love giving a person source-energy and talking with them about life and love.
I love when people tell me that they feel safe with me and no one else.

I love when people fall asleep and wake themselves up from auditory-confirmations of their said relaxed state.
I love when it becomes electric-lightning and suddenly jolts their body into a new consciousness!
I love when a gentle moment is heard in a soft exhalation.
I love my tingsha bells.
I love the vibration of purity and the song it makes in between.
I love your anger and your tears.
I love my own.
I love Palo Santo.

I love the quiet comfort of the northend home in which I practice.
I love the people on foot and bikes outside, and even my occasionally noisy neighbor when he randomly shouts out “belly button,” and I realize its truly a message from above… or beside.

*

I love placing stones on you.
I love that you bring your own and I have mine.
I love that we share.
I love that I see you not only here, but there.
I love that this is ours, our city, our experience, our friendship, our Earth-ship!!
Yes! I do love getting carried away in flow…
Oh Boise,
I love our river.

The water, the earth-mother, she blesses us and takes us back into her every time we gently lay our feet near her bed. When we rest our head, near her current, trusting her presence, breathing our blessings.

Thank you great mOther.
In Oneness, we share her.

Om~~*

Photo used under CC. http://www.flickr.com/photos/devolva-me/6556347333/OMomOMomOMomOMomOMomOMomOM

**

Let us meet at our river beds, make art, share love, dance, praise, swim, and sing of our heart’s greatest dreams! Jai!

Photo used under CC. http://www.flickr.com/photos/devolva-me/6556347333/

Sporgasm!

I do believe I have had my first official, yet definitely not last, Sporgasm!! Don’t feel left out. You can have sporgasms too. Read on…

I found myself following dreams that I either wished for, or was served, and through the process I became a Sporganizer for Evolver Boise. Sporganizer?? Sporgasms?? Evolver Boise?? What is all of this talk about!?

First let me explain a little about Evolver Boise. Evolver.net is a portal into the living creation of spores through out the world. Spores are born in cities to bring people together and communicate face-to-face and see what dreams can be born. Evolver Boise is my hometown’s very own Spore, or organism to create life and change in our city within the flexible-framework of Evolver.net and RealitySandwich.com.

Spores have sprouted up all around the world in cities to bring people together with vision and drive to change the world, realizing that its “Our world to change.” You can create a profile on Evolver.net and explore the writings and contribution of a world full of enthusiastic, accomplished writiters, dreamers, scientists, poets, and the like. From there, check out the Evolver Groups for your city and find your local spore, or join one of the myriad of dynamic, engaging groups topics and dive in!

Evolver.net was born out of the community that was so richly rising from the depths of RealitySandwich.com in its early inception. Y’know… it was only inevitable that all those weirdos and psychedelic freaks that ate up the content on Reality Sandwich would want to get together not only online but IN REAL LIFE to create change in joyous manifestation. Yippeeeee!!! ­čśÇ

To bring it off of the internet, every month spores all across the world come together exploring concepts and new designs on life, with the intention to inspire and create change within individuals and the community through communication, action, and enjoyment. Every spore creates something unique. It is an organic creation built upon the people who participate. This means YOU! There aren’t motives from the Sporganizers or even Evolver.net to create specific action items, other than joy, health, and liberation. What ever comes to be in the process, is up to all of us.

Evolver Boise came to be thanks to the one and only Marisa Smith Weppner. I thank the heavens that her dear husband Bill swept her off her feet and transplanted her here in Boise. Boise is indebted to Marisa, in my opinion, for her passions and manifestations in the realms of yoga, health, indigenous philosophy, psychology, and music! She is co-owner and founder of Sage Yoga and Wellness and not only gave birth to the Evolver Boise Spore, but also to Evolver Seattle while living there, and is a DJ on 89.9 KRBX Radio Boise’s Toast and Jam every Thursday morning at 9 am!

I met Marisa through yoga and sacred music (kirtan) and again through my son’s father who went to school with her husband. She became an instant friend of our family and even gave my son her vintage (1977) Darth Vader T-shirt for his first birthday. She wore it in high-school as a skinny raver-girl and it of course fit my sumo-sized one year old right away!

It wasn’t long after that I was sharing my ideas of throwing large dance parties to raise awareness for certain causes with her and was inspired to become a sporganizer after viewing Daniel Pinchbeck’s film 2012: A Time for Change in December of 2010. Yet life was thriving and I needed to tend to myself as a newly single mama and Marisa became pregnant with her second child. I was blessed to be there while her son was born, as her doula, and I feel blessed to be with her as Evolver Boise is reborn as well.

This April kicked off Evolver Boise’s return as we screened the documentary film Wake Up. The film follows Jonas Elrod and the path of his unexpected, transformative, and spiritual awakening as he tries to make sense of his life and the world as he integrates the spirit world and material world. It is very poignant of the evolutionary shifts many are finding themselves wrapped up in today. One that speaks of a spiritual thirst, a quest to know oneself, and to find deeper meaning within the world. The event was a great success! We had a wonderful turn out and we all really enjoyed the film and Skyping with Jonas after.

Our spore for May was spectacular weekend of events! We were so blessed to have one of the founders of Reality Sandwich and Evolver to visit our beautiful city. Jonathan Talat Phillips came to Boise to shine light on the Evolver movement, Spiritual Warrior Bio-Energetic healing, and his recently published work, The Electric Jesus. The Healing Journey of a Contemporary Gnostic.

I was particularly ecstatic from the magic that brought him to Boise. Two weeks before I learned of his book, I had prayed for guidance to teachers and writers who could help me further understand and explore my own healing experiences and awakenings to the deeper meaning of Christ consciousness. It had been a climatic year of visions through my healing work and for those that I provide to others in 2011. I prayed that 2012 would connect me to others that might help me make sense of these visions and allow me to take steps forward and to share it appropriately, in order to help other people.

In addition to finding his book, a couple months later I was on the phone with Marisa and Talat, scheduling his time in Boise. What magic!! This one prayer gave birth to so much more. This is the nature of Evolver and sporgasms! I am so pleased to be a part of Evolver and love that the magic will always continue!

My latest sporgasm comes from the adventure that I am about to take as I journey to Desert Rocks Festival in Green River, UT and represent Evolver Boise while I meet and learn from greats like Grandmother Flordemayo, Daniel Pinchbeck, Mitch Schultz, more from Johnathan Talat Phillips, and so many more! It will be my first festival pilgrimage without my son in three years. I will miss him, but I will seize this opportunity and look forward to what the open road of adventure and creation will bring.

Evolver Jai!
Evolver Boise Jai!

Evolution Jai!!!

Fundamentals of Christ Consciousness Energy, the Energy of the Heart.

In it’s barest of bones, Christ consciousness is comprised of a couple of lines and a circle. Imagine that, a cross, with special attention drawn to where the two lines intersect by way of a circle. This image is also known as a Pagan cross or Celtic cross.

These two elements represent feminine and masculine energy combined. Circles obviously being feminine and lines representing male energy. However, I would say that the center line represents masculinity more so in regards to this idea. As a friend and I joked today, sometimes masculine energy might make a line pointing up, or it might point down, but nonetheless it always makes a line! ­čśë

Christ consciousness in our bodies lies in the union of masculine and feminine energy. Thus, represented in the heart of the lines creating the cross-hairs of opposing forces in the Pagan cross. What is interesting in the idea of “opposing” forces is that they are merely two essential ingredients that facilitate the act of compassion and forgiveness. I will get back to this concept in a moment.

Let us consider the image of a Pagan cross as a map of energy. I will try to explain how I see it for myself, and I welcome any ideas and feedback whether they are supportive or critical of these concepts.

First, we can see that the Pagan cross has three components: the circle, horizontal line, and vertical line.

If we see both the horizontal and vertical lines of the cross representing the human body, we can then associate a right and a left side. This is important because of the essential elements of masculine and femininity within each body. These concepts have been embraced through cultures of all times, through out all corners of the world. Plus they are commonly accepted and appreciated in most health minded beings today.

Within these two hemispheres, the left side represents feminine energies and the right masculine. Feminine qualities manifest in the physical realm through receptivity, a quiet, constant energy and presence, and with a certain coolness to it. Masculine energies are active, move forward or up, and have heat.

Taking a look at the circle, I see that it is reflective of two things, the Earth and the container that holds a union of male and female, yin and yang, and the positive and negative components that comprise our material world. I find it a beautiful metaphor that the circle can represent Mother Earth, and that there is a special relationship between it and the lines that form the cross, and therefore everything that it represents in our bodies and in Christ’s embodiment.

There is an essential element for Christ to exhist and of course it denotes a feminine presence. We can definitely take this literally to see the importance of the relationship between Mother Mary birthing Christ’s consciousness onto this planet, also feminine: Earth.

The harmony and circle/line symbolism of Mother Mary and the Divine Feminine Mother Earth and Christ consciousness can also be found in our body’s circular joints and long-bones. Circular joints store feminine energy meanwhile long bones possess more masculine influences. We can see that the pelvic “bowl” representing the bones of the pelvis are feminine in nature, when you consider the “empty” space that the inner framework creates. The spine is masculine and the skull feminine because of its round shape. Here we also find the importance of union between masculine and feminine in the spine and brain. These two parts are integral to our central nervous system. Also, I have to note the similarities between a penis and the spine and skull. Oh the beauty of the lingam (penis) and its shaft and head! Beautiful isn’t it!?

Even though it could be a semi-safe assumption to say that the mind is masculine because it is active in nature, that would be to overlook that it is simply its current conditioned state in our culture today. I believe it is feminine because the brain is mostly comprised of water, the eyes which are extensions of the brain are circular, and we have the ability to tap into deep metaphoric pools of wisdom when we practice slowing the activity of our monkey-minds down and tap into Universal energy. (A relevant and worthwhile video on this notion by way of an Alaskan indigenous elder: http://youtu.be/en4TKmldjrM)

Going back to the sum of the opposing forces within the cross being essential to facilitate forgiveness and compassion, I will reference the Hawaiian Ho╩╗oponopono prayer, which is: I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. These words have both a feminine and masculine context in my heart and mind which relate to the equidistant cross within the circle of the Pagan cross. They also represent the journey of cultivating Christ consciousness in our bodies and releasing karma, wounds, and blockages to bring about healing, through a process of honoring these four particular elements.

The left side is the Divine Feminine’s presence: I love you.
The bottom line denotes a lower vibration of our human experience: I’m sorry.
The right side is the active act of Christ’s forgiveness: Please forgive me.
The upper line denotes a higher vibration of our human experience: Thank you.
All of these lines and hemispheres have their own, and collective movement or energy and consciousness. Yet together they form the totality, the union, of it all.

I will mention that this is a somewhat western viewpoint, mostly because of the Christian undertones. However, we could also say the cross-hairs represent Krishna consciousness or any particular deities embodying forgiveness and compassion.

Now we have a map of source energy found at our heart’s center, which Christ embodied. I did not find this as a scholar of books and literature, but of bodies and through sacred teachers that that speak to me through my heart and grant me visions and words through my third eye in mediations and while holding sacred space giving reiki-massage healings. Thanks to Talat Phillips recent novel, The Electric Jesus I have become inspired to seek out the other Gnostic texts. If you have a favorite, please share this with me.

To me, I see how this map demonstrates that no aspect of life is one single point, that there is force behind everything regardless if we are able to see it. It portrays a culmination of Earthly forces within the opportunity and process of healing. It is of upmost importance in our current evolution of a species finding harmony with each other and the Earth through our heart’s center.

This map can illustrate the blue-print for the essential components to layer with the free-energy torus (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vZRKVJQKUk) over the pagan cross and superimpose that onto our bodies, in efforts to create a vital, healthy, abundant flow.

If you wish to use these concepts to heal yourself, I suggest a meditation while sitting upright and visualizing your center axis, or shashumna, as the vertical line with a horizontal line at your heart’s center rather than where it would intersect at the literal horizontal line of your arms. However, where ever you place your cross will bring healing to the center of it. While you sit and connect to your breath and the visual of the cross within your body, you can visualize the reflexology zone-therapy lines (http://isabellehutton.com/images/reflex.points.map.GIF) creating lines that make up a torus, while intending on cycling your energy down and through the lines.

You will sense where things flow and where they don’t. These areas are nothing to be ashamed or frightened of. They are the doorways to healing. By placing the cross hairs of your Pagan cross in the center of these places you can say the Ho╩╗oponopono prayer, the Lord’s prayer, or another compassion-evoking mantra that you resonate with, or viewing an image or color that you feel brings energy, health, vitality, and healing.

I also encourage you to keep your visual of the cross at your heart’s center and simply see the energy flowing through the torus, zones, and center channel as flowing and healthy, golden, and vibrant rather than seeing that it is blocked while you continue to cycle the energy through and breath steadily and calmly. It will foster subconscious patterning that supports health and awareness.

These blocks are karmic and oftentimes more related to our ancestor’s contribution to the energy that comprises our DNA, than our own stories in our conscious awareness of our lives thus far. By doing this practice, we can honor ourselves as portals into a new humanity of our genetic line into abundance through love, forgiveness, and compassion and our bravery that it takes to forge the path.

***

This post is intended to be the foundation for future posts on the nature of energy in our bodies and opportunities to use the divine harmonic frequencies of masculine and feminine energies together to transform and evolve our species and ourselves. I hope you enjoy them and I learn by the people I meet, both online and off, so if you have anything to share in response with me, I greatly appreciate it and welcome the opportunity to learn from you.

To honor us all on the path of learning and evolving, Jai!

Waves lapping

Aside

my warm heart slowly melting golden,
dripping down to the ground.
A tree, my Self,
softening and sapping.

Yellow, orange, amber
rolling down, down, closer to the ground
into one another. Blending with
light, sight and your eyes.

Waves lapping,
ocean of time
beyond my mind and
in my breath.

Ardha Chandrasana,
a balancing waxing/waning moon.

Butterfly wing,
heart kisses.
Eyes of my child
fasten my root to earth.

And to my infinite mother
thank you.