womb

Photo used under CC.

a melody in me
waiting to be
kissed into life.

to unite
to my love
and take flight;
move swift and far
shooting stars we are.

gratitude embraced
on a long lost moon-
filled night never ending.
geese calling out,
weaving a new mother story.

she waits for truth
an awakened touch;
a spark of light
abreast the blackest of nights.
a yoke with flow
to let go, to be held and
behold.

a king of great valor
accomplished and honest.
scientifically evolved
an equation yet to be solved.
reduce, combine
test through time.

push-pull
receive,
into all
the space of me.

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hello. goodbye.

was a mantra of mine this summer. It is a self-crafted mantra to recall and appreciate the ever flowing river of life. It helps me remember the importance of letting go of everything. Even the things I wish to say hello to. Which, in my opinion, is the hardest act of free-will there is!

In the early hours of dawn today we experienced a full moon eclipse. Full moons and eclipses can accentuate energies to expose and release our egos. Maybe that is why I feel plagued with this today.

Upon rising this morning, a certain hopeful feeling that was planted in my heart recently had escaped me. All day I fought the sensation of letting go of it. I didn’t want to face the fact that my heart was pulling the reigns back in. I didn’t want to face that even though I long for certain things in my life that aren’t present right now, that my heart yearns for them more than I can convince myself, by way of my mind, that they are happening a particular way.

Truthfully I’m unsure how to find the healthy balance of dreaming/desiring/visualizing and accepting the lack of these “things.” I’m far too faithful not to dream and hold them in my heart as though they are already true- as in manifesting. But obviously, they aren’t in my material reality as of now. Yes, I realize that this is where my mantra could do me some good. But its not that easy to just get there- you have to walk there first. It takes steps… It takes, space and time.

I guess *that’s* what I’m fighting; The chasm between the experience that will be and where I am today. That grey, yet deep deep black sea of nothingness and everything called the now. The space and moment that is not separate from the future, yet has to be relatively disconnected from the past, so that we can align with our dreams.

Side note: ironic isn’t it that so many people refer to this abyss of pure potential as a sea and I’m noting the synchronistic event of the full moon eclipse and its effect on my “abyss-chasm.”

Obviously the past creates the present, yet if we hold on to past experiences, thoughts, behaviors, whathaveyou also known as samskara (http://swamij.com/karma.htm) which creates & is created by karma- if we hold these things to be true and foundational for the patterning of our futures we might as well give up. Which I realize, is so far easier said than done. But without a doubt, it is possible. All it takes is observation.

This particular eclipse is supposed to be favorable of letting go of mental habits. Join me in taking this opportunity to pay attention to what we tell ourselves about a n y t h i n g in our life. Especially the things that are the seeds of dreams and our heart’s greatest desires and what we’ll allow to be a barrier to them.

I’m taking this opportunity to release the ideas that those seeds need to look a particular way. I give up Universe. You win. My heart yearns for Truth and Love in a large way and there is no way I will not know when it is here. It obviously hasn’t yet fully blossomed, but the seed is growing. I planted it and nourish it and myself well. I believe in that ocean of potential and I believe in me.

There is far too much beauty within my heart to prevent me from anything less than a life full of love and deep connections, and ultimately the source of the true love within each blessed moment.

Jai!

* * *

Whenever I get to a point where I feel like I have to “give up” to the Universe, I think of this song:

New Moon Inspiration. Gemini. 2011.

Moon dusting off the old.

The ghosts of DNA,

deep deep darkness

unconsciousness made conscious.

Blackness illuminated.

This experience is wrapped with a bow.

…a bow, of gratitude.

Wait, wrapped in a bow?

I meant a moat.

A moat that IS the castle-

the destination; immersion.

G’head get dirty, feel it, touch it and wear it within.

Within all that you meet. Let the darkness define

the white, glossy smile of your teeth.

***
My ghost is the shield of security my heart space has created… long ago, a few years back, and of course again recently. My soul has partially escaped each time. Its been seeking to return to the Cosmos, yet also committed in sacred contract to this lovely form I call home, aka my body. Divided and protected, I can never win. So its time to undo and redo.

Family is redefining itself in every avenue. My blessings- my teachers- reiki, bodywork; my healers, yogins, and Angels. They’re helping me hear the whisper:  ‘It is safe. It is safe. It is safe to Love… and be Loved!!’

Moats don’t have to be muddy, they surely represent the unknown depth of our emotion. Yet doesn’t that mean that once cleared, it is Love deeper than I’ve known? That it is joy expressed and felt more richly than I have known since youth? And Peace that has shown its face to me in mountaintops, yet that I know is as accessible to me as the dishes stacked in my sink.

The whispers I’ve been gifted through all of this, are my saving Grace. I have never been so vulnerable, malleable, and powerful… capable of intense, radical transformation.

…so Dark, yet sure of the presence of Light.

This Light is the seed of God and wisdom, found  sitting in my belly and guided by my body and heart’s symphony. My third eye is able to see God’s vision, my vision, and my royal Crown chakra- realizing that none of this is mine. I am merely a vessel to do Gods work. I give in, I surrender. I release… I feel the sadness from my heart’s attachments but all I know is that I am a child wrapped in a Divine embrace. Just as my son cries from the lack of awareness or understanding… I trust that I am a child, an infant of God and what I need abounds me.

I pray:

to not forget myself for I know SHe never has.

to continue to hear my heart and Angels wisdom; synchronistic, symbolic, and dreamed.

to have the heart- the courage, to let my mind go. let the critic go. let the fear go.

to remember: I am safe; to love, to be loved, to laugh. …and play. I have done nothing wrong, I do not need permission or approval.

to forgive myself for wanting to judge- myself and others. And to release and remember: it is safe… to love and be loved. I have done nothing wrong, I do not need permission or approval. G’head… laugh at the old way. Why not? It is silly, now that I can see.

Lastly yet foremost, I pray to be guided to live my life in such a way that I am harmoniously serving myself, my family, Mother Earth, and all Life in purity for the highest good of all involved.

Om Shanti Namaste.

Jai!